Man Attempts Rocket Launch From His Butt

A 22 year old British subject brought new meaning to the term "fire in the hole" by attempting to launch a rocket from his anal launch pad.

In a "Houston, we have a problem" moment, the rocket failed to lift off. When authorities arrived, they found the rocket still on, I mean in, the launch pad.

One scorched colon later, authorities said the man was fortunate to be alive. Also, an ambulance service spokesman noted that the victim's colon could have exploded due to trapped methane gas.

I guess a rocket will never replace a bowl of yummy Colon Blow.

I'll bet this guy won't be eating hot sauce any time soon.

Let the sophmoronity begin!

ATM Wranglers Run Rampant

ATM wranglers have unsuccessfully made four attempts to abscond free standing machines.

The finesse free bandits chain the ATM and attempt to drag away the machine with their built tough Ford truck. Police report the pickup doesn't have enough power to pull free the bolted down ATM.

Needless to say, the hapless dilrods have yet to succeed.

Do I see a Dodge or GM truck in the ATM wranglers future?

Bank Robbery Hilarity

Bank robbery is not a funny topic. Unless, it's done by these bobo's.

In the first case, a tubby gent walks into a bank, hands the teller a note, gets lousy service and no money. Not only that, as he leaves the bank, he complains about the slow teller.

If that's not enough, case number two features three Romanian bank robbers who are in for the heist of a lifetime. The would-be-robbers made a daring nighttime raid into a bank's headquarters.

Sounds like a jackpot, yes? Not this time.

The bank had relocated into a different building and the banditos left empty handed.

Fireworks And Guns Don't Mix

What's the one thing you shouldn't do when robbing a fireworks store? If you answered, don't discharge you gun, then you're much smarter than this guy who did discharge his gun. I'm sure you know what happened.

Fisherman Gone Awry

I've never understood the quest for fishing immortality.

In the past, I've written about fisherman who risk jail time by cheating while competing in fishing tournaments.

Yet another fisherman has been caught cheating. This fisherman, who coveted the heaviest smallmouth bass record, stuffed lead weights into the fish prior to weigh in. I guess something seemed kind of fishy and six state officials investigated this for a month!

Certainly, these people have exuded more energy and time on investigating a fish than they will for the upcoming congressional elections. After all, fish are important.