Thursday, September 07, 2006

Intersex Fish: Breaking The Gender Bonds?

When George Washington crossed the Potomac, he had no idea that some day Potomac male fish would turn "intersex".

Scientists have reported that numerous male bass, both small and largemouth, have turned "intersex" and carry eggs. Does this indicate a that bass have thrown off their defined gender roles and are in the midst of fish sexual revolution?

The same scientists have indicated that various pollutants may have interrupted the scaly dudes endocrine system and caused them to develop female characteristics.

This has me wondering about the fish around these parts. Will the Muskingum river begin to host buck toothed, transsexual fish? If you eat one of the "intersex" fish, how will you, personally, be affected? In the interest of protecting the local fisherman population, I've developed this "intersex" fish checklist. If your fish matches these characteristics, by all means, throw it back and let it swim to Zanesville.

  • Does your fish wear any type of makeup such as bright red lipstick, face powder, or have an unusual French perfume odor?
  • When pulling your fish from the water, was said fish humming or whistling a Barbara Streisand tune?
  • Did your fish seem immaculately groomed and well mannered?
  • After throwing your fish onto the boat, did the fish begin to tidy up your tackle and nets?
  • Was the fish bitchy and demand to be thrown back into the river?
If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you've probably caught an "intersex" fish. Either that or you need to check yourself into a rehab center, shaky.


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