Monday, May 08, 2006

Lost No Socks Memorial Day

I've purposely melded two holidays: Lost Socks Memorial Day and No Socks Day; one because they're back-to-back holidays and two because I'm lazy.

I guess the purpose of No Socks Day is to save a little bit of laundry/water/soap. I think the back side of those savings are offset by having to spray some type of odor eating product into your now funky shoes. Also, there's the whole visual aesthetic of being sockless. I've seen these business beer fart types walking around sock free while wearing wing tips. If you're one of those guys, do me a favor. Put on socks or duct tape your face around a tailpipe. No one wants to look at your goofy sock free feet and certainly don't want a whiff of your polluted, sweat stained dogs.
Also, you bare feet type need to wear socks. I don't care if you're on the beach; I don't want to look at your corn infested, yellow nail fungus, nasty monkey paws. Get a life and put on socks.

As for Lost Socks Memorial Day, what can I say? I wear two kinds of socks: white and black. That way if I lose one, I don't wet myself over losing the mate to a Cleveland Browns Memorial Touchdown Sock or a Dale Earnhardt Drives In Heaven Sock. Same goes for women. I've heard tales of women openly weeping because they can't locate the mate to their Winnie-The-Pooh 50th Anniversary socks. Get over it; they're socks. If you want to collect them, then why wear them? You know your dryer is laughing and doing a Buffy The Sock Slayer sock puppet show at this very moment.


Anonymous said...

I'd sniff Buffy's socks!

Randy M. Combs said...

Anonymous: "I want to know what it feels like to sniff a dead slayer's socks."

Moderator: "I couldn't tell ya. I didn't know she was dead 'til you told me she was dead. Now I know she's dead, do you wanna know how I feel about it? I don't feel the least little bit bad. You wanna know why? 'Cause I'm a moderator. And after you've said that, you've pretty much said all there is to say about me."

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