Festival Of Extraterrestrial Abductions Day

For the Coshoctonites who suspect you may have been abducted by aliens, here's a partial list of common indicators.

1. Unexplainable missing or lost time.
2. Memories of flying through the air, perhaps in a dream.
3. A feeling of being paralyzed in your bed with a being in your room.
4. You've seen strange flashing red lights through your car windows.
5. You have suffered from moments of uncontrollable laughing.
6. You don't remember going to sleep or wake up in a strange place.
7. Have seen or felt a strange haze or fog in your mind.
8. Have awoken in the middle of the night with an unbearable head pain which caused nausea and/or vomiting.
9. Have awoken at night with an obsessive thirst which seems insatiable.
10. Have faint recollections of your room spinning as though the entire room had lifted into the air.

Wait a minute, I've felt like this before. It happened about two months ago...right after... CABO WABO are aliens and Sammy Hagar is their leader!

Seriously, don't fret; you can stop alien abductions. Also, you can financially protect yourself in case of alien abduction. You can discuss or create your abduction memories with these fine people.