Festival Of Popular Delusions Day

Heartfelt apologies go out to CTCN readers; I missed yesterday's Festival of Popular Delusions. But as I wring my hands, this thought occurred to me. Today, 6-6-06, serves as a perfect delusional backdrop.

Think about the babies born today. For years to come, every time a kid sets fire to an ant or a neighbor's house, many mothers will hear a nagging voice confirming what they dread, "Way to go; you gave birth to Beelzebub Jr." On Halloween, the kid will never be allowed to dress like ol' Nick, or the undead. They'll be condemned to a life of trick or treating as a Teletubby or Barney the Dinosaur. Try explaining that to your high school friends. Wow, talk about dysfunction.

There exist many types of delusions. According to psychiatrist Karl Jaspers, the three main criteria are:

• Certainty (held with absolute conviction)
• incorrigibility (not changeable by compelling counterargument or proof to the contrary)
• impossibility or falsity of content (implausible, bizarre or patently untrue)

Wow, I want Alberto Gonzalez to know that in no way am I describing anyone in the U.S. government. Also, in no way, am I inferring that the above descriptions apply to Falafel Boy, Oxycontin Limbaugh, Hulk Robertson, or Frauline Coulter (Take a deep breath, it's a joke).

Take time and visit your favorite bartender today. After your third shot of tequila, share your delusional self. Let the bartender know that you suffer from reduplicative paramnesia and ask about the bartender's twin at the identical location in Arizona. Also, let them know you suffer from clinical lycanthropy and you're feeling kind of wolfie.

Have fun today and, remember, if you think you're Superman, stay off of high buildings.